Monday, September 10, 2012

Fun Times on The Funny Farm~ The Alien Fence Charger

The Case of The Alien Fence Charger
By Cathy Collar
Upon returning to the farm with our lab/pyrenees mix, Lucky, after having her spayed, I was again greeted by my loving groupies Shadow, Tess, and Coco. I was surprised to see that two more dogs had joined my group of fans. Surprised not because these two were not already fans but because they were suppose to be in their kennels. Buddy, our Houdini german shorthair and Kookie, our crazy Brittany had escaped during the storm the night before.

This was not a complete surprise as they both have done this many times. Buddy has developed the ability to climb between the top and bottom hot wires on his fence and somehow squeeze out. Kookie takes the complete opposite route and digs under. Kookie’s kennel also has a hot wire around it, but it is only hooked up periodically because usually filling the hole is all it takes to keep her in.

Leaving a lethargic Lucky in the Tahoe, I opened the door and lovingly greeted my fans. This was a ruse to fool Kookie and Buddy into thinking I was not going to catch them
and put them back in their kennels. Collars grabbed I led them both back to their pens. I hooked Buddy up to a tie out that we keep close by for this general purpose. Opening Kookie’s gate I scooted her in and locked the gate behind her giving her a firm command to stay. Searching around I found two metal bars lying on the ground. I walked to the backside of her kennel to block her hole that I knew I would find in her favorite digging spot. I reached the spot and sure enough there was the hole, just big enough for her to shimmy her petite form through. I poked the iron bars into the ground and slid the top part of them through the fence. Now to secure the next escapee.

I started back to the front of the kennel but as I was about to round the corner I was zapped by what felt like three sparks of electricity. I look accusingly at the dead fence charger wondering how it could have thrown those wicked zaps at me without being plugged in. My mind zipped back to the movie Maximum Overdrive (you know the one where the machines go bonkers and try to take over the world.) Could it be? Had aliens recharged my fence charger and sent those nasty sparks to keep me away from their secret?

 Standing perfectly still, I took a closer look at my assailant. As I watched I saw one of the aliens emerge from beneath the charger. First, spindly antennas, then an oblong head followed by a thin body sporting a yellow jacket. It was followed by at least a dozen more. I quickly ran in the opposite direction. Yes my hot wire fence had been recharged, but the culprit was anything but alien.

Well away from my attackers, I unplugged Buddy’s fence and put him inside. After maneuvering the wire to try to keep him in I plugged it back in. Finally I let Lucky loose in her pen to enjoy a nice long nap. Stinging on my hand and inner thighs, I vowed my revenge as I drove back to town. I know exactly where I have stashed my extra long distance wasp spray.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Fun Times on The Funny Farm ~Lucky's Not so Lucky Day

Lucky’s not so Lucky Day
By Cathy Collar

The time had finally come to get our lab/pyrenees mix, Lucky, spayed. A possible love affair with our english pointer, Romeo Rex, made this decision a necessity. As I drive slowly to our farm I am dreading the process of loading a very large dog that has not had much leash training into my Tahoe.
Pulling into the yard I am greeted by my enthusiastic groupies; Shadow, our old black lab and leader of our pack, Tess The Mess, our adventurous lab/greyhound mix, and Coco Puff our lovable huggable lab/mutt. I cautiously back the Tahoe up to Lucky’s kennel trying hard to keep track of my excited fans romping around outside.They are all seeking the door I am going to open for my exit.
Gathering Lucky’s leash and choke collar (yes choke collar she weighs 93 lbs and likes to run!) I open the door. There all three dogs stand panting and whining and vying for the spot where I am going to step next. After petting each one and giving them some love, I move to my target.
Miss Lucky is our gentle giant. She never jumps up on me and loves to be hugged, but when her kennel door is about to be opened she gets way excited. She bounces, jumps and rears up to her full five foot height ready to explode into her romp around the farm. I have no desire to go Lucky chasing so I have to make sure to get my body between her and the gate. If I can slip in before she gets out I can get the choke collar on her and have some small amount of control.
Taking a deep breath I cautiously open the gate.  Lucky tries to dart past my leg. I grab her by the collar jolting my arm out of socket in the process. I have her, but I also have three other dogs trying to get between us so they can be petted. I twist and turn and finally get to the back door of the Tahoe and open it. Finding it impossible to get Lucky’s choke collar on with her pulling and three other dogs trying to give me kisses, I toss it into the back and hold onto Lucky with both hands.
I thought I had this all planned out, but plan A is definitely not working. I pull Lucky over to the Tahoe’s back door all ready to coax her in. At this time Shadow decides she needs to go in first. After all she is top dog. I let her pass thinking maybe if she is in there Lucky will follow. No way. Lucky dives underneath the vehicle attempting to break out of my grasp. Letting one hand go I grab the bumper saving myself from being drug under with her. Meanwhile Miss Tess decides she needs to go for a ride too. Now I have two dogs in the Tahoe and one halfway underneath. I pull and tug and finally get Lucky out from underneath the back fender only to find that Coco has decided she would like to join in the fun.
Coco is quite overweight and has a bad hip so even though she wants to get into the vehicle she finds the jump way to hard so instead she stands in the doorway looking at me like aren’t you gonna help me in? I nudge her out of the way and pause to catch my breath. Now thoroughly ticked I lift Lucky’s large paws one at a time into the Tahoe. Then with a quick maneuver I slide behind her and push her big butt in. She has no other option than to go. I swiftly close the door before she can jump out. Now I face my other problem. I still have two dogs that do not need to go to the vet in the car. I crack the side door open where Shadow is sitting. She hops to the back putting Lucky between her and the door. Lucky, seeing an opportunity to get out, dives for the opening. I slam the door shut. Okay, let’s see if Tess will be more obliging.
I gradually open the back door grasping Lucky’s collar before she can jump. Tess and Shadow are now by the two side doors. I call sweetly to Tess. “Here Tessy. Come here. Come get some love.” Tess runs to me excited to get the extra attention. She is my most devoted fan. As she reaches me I step back so she has to jump out to get her reward. Once again I slam the door shut before Lucky escapes. While praising Tess for being such a good girl, I search for a plan to outsmart Shadow. Scanning the inside of the Tahoe I see Shadow’s eyes following my every step. She is ready to move to a less grabable (yes for me this is a word and all dogs know it very well) location when I open a door. I think to myself, “If I can get Shadow into the front seat there won’t be enough room for her to change places with Lucky.” Have I mentioned that Shadow is also a little hefty? Well she is.
Dog biscuit in hand I open the front door and hold out the tempting treat. Shadow takes the bait! As she jumps into the front seat, I clutch her collar, which of course comes off in my hands. Quickly I grab her ears and drag her out digging heels and all and again slam the door shut before Lucky can flee. Slipping Shadows collar back on her neck I scold her for being a bad dog, which gets me a wagging tail and smile. Finally one hour later Lucky and I are off the vet.
As I drive down the road with the air conditioner blasting in my face a thought forms in my mind. On the next trip to the vet to get a dog fixed I do believe Romeo Rex should be the passenger.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Tragedy has struck the small town of Knollwood, Texas and Dovie Grant finds herself dealing with the loss of her husband and daughter. Despite her grief, she still must fight to bring her remaining family through the already trying times of The Great Depression. Her father needs help on their struggling farm, Quail Crossings. She isn't thrilled that he's hired a young 18 year old boy who's caring for his three younger siblings. Surviving her grief, as well as the constant dust storms that plague the plains, will Dovie be able to put her pain aside to care for these children or be forever trapped in the darkness of the loss in her family.Hello Everyone,

I am so happy to announce my daughter's debut novel, Quail Crossings, will be available online on Sept 4th (afternoon). You do have some options when buying her book:
1. Buy a paperback on for 12.95 (18.95 after s/h). 
2. Buy a paperback from (signed or unsigned)    for 12.95 (18.15 after s/h) and she'll donate 10% to Anna's Legacy.
3. Buy a paperback directly from
    her (signed or unsigned) for 18.00 (s/h included).
    email Jennifer ~ for details.
4. Buy a paperback at one of her book signings for 12.00.
5. Buy an e-book at or for   2.99.

             Thanks so much for your support! :o)