Friday, June 27, 2014

Tess The Mess "The Tale Behind the Skunk's Behind"

Tess The Mess and The Tale Behind the Skunks Behind.
Hi! It’s me Tessy! I’ve been takin it easy out on the farm and finally feel like my old self. Since it has been hotter than a pig in a roastin pit outside, I’ve not been out for any of my usual adventures. But while I was recuperating Big Black Mama, Shadow told me some tales that happened before I became a member of the family. This one is about a naughty little skunk that caused a lot of trouble for dad. You’re gonna love it!
It was a beautiful fall night. Mom and dad were sound asleep when all kinds of ruckus erupted outside. All six dogs, including Shadow, were barkin like a bunch of wild coyotes. Prissy, the small inside dog let off her warning bark. This caused mom and dad to shoot right up in bed, hearts racing like a wildcat. They both got up as Prissy, a Pekinese, ran to the door. She barked and hopped and growled but dad wouldn’t open it. He and mom already knew what the problem was cuz they smelled the nasty stench seeping through the house. It was a darned old skunk. (I’ve tackled a few of these nasty critters too, but that’s another story.) Prissy didn’t get to go out and everyone went back to bed hoping the stinky varmint would soon be on his way. It was a false hope. The dogs barked all night long.
Now there were two dogs out there that particularly, didn’t like skunks, but more important than that was the fact that they were both trying to gain the title of top dog. Max had been top dog for more than four years, but then he had to go and father pups. He had no idea at the time that one of those pups would get to stay and would be just as stubborn as he was. Freckles was that pup.
The next morning dad went out to the kennels to fetch the dead skunk and haul him and his nasty self off to the country while mom headed to Amarillo for the weekend. Dad looked in all the kennels for the body, but all he found was a skunk’s tail in Freckles pen. He decided to further investigate cuz dad is like that. He has to check everything out. He let Freckles out in the yard and went on his search. No dead skunk in the water bucket. No dead skunk in the swimin pool. No dead skunk under the doghouse cuz the skunk was still alive! That stinky varmint had buried himself under Freckles doghouse. He was alive, but just barely.
Dad decided it was best to leave him there until he was dead for sure just to be safe, if you know what I mean. Well just as dad was about to leave Freckles pen Max climbed over his kennel fence and bolted straight for Freckles. Freckles turn and there they were dumb and son of dumb (That’s what dad called ‘em) locked in a battle for head honcho.
Big Black Mama Shadow barked and barked at ‘em but they just kept on fightin. Dad got the water hose and sprayed them dogs smack in the face, but they just kept on fightin. Finally dad had enough! He grabbed Max’s collar and bopped him on the nose. That must of got Max’s attention cuz he finally let loose of Freckles neck. Then dad opened the garage door and threw Max in there. Freckles headed after Max, but dad caught him and made him sit. You won’t believe what happened next. As dad and Shadow were catchin their breath, they looked out at the kennels and there was that darn skunk. That stinky rascal slowly made his way out of the kennel and down the alley, minus one tail. Dad and Shadow just shook their heads in disbelief.
So if you’re ever out in our part of the country and see a skunk runnin around without a tail, you know the story behind his behind.
Written by My Mom Cathy Collar
because I don’t have thumbs or fingers.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Tess The Mess & The Tale of the Lizard's Tail

Helloooo! It's Me Tessy!

Mom has been so busy working on her fairy tale books that she has not let me on the computer for a while.

Shhhhhhh. While she is busy cleanin' house, I am gonna'  share one of my stories with you.  Here is The TALE OF THE LIZARD'S TAIL~

            It was one of those days when not much was happin'. It was just startin' to cool down from a hot sweaty day. I mean it was so hot, I sunburned my tongue while panting. And believe me you don't ever want to get a sunburn there. Anyway, I had spent most of the day lazin' around with my doggy buds trying to stay calm and cool. It is very hard for me to stay calm and cool, because of my ADHD, but Big Black Mama, Shadow, told us all that it was too hot to do anythin' today. If went runnin' around in this heat, we would have a heat stroke. I don't know what that means, but Shadow is our pack leader so I always do what she says. Mostly anyways.

            Since it was cooling down Shadow told us that we could go for a walk or short run, but not too much. It was still too hot. Finally freedom! I stood up and stretched. My, that felt good. I stretched my long brown legs, my thin flexible neck, and my beautiful long tail. I even stretched my toenail.

            I was ready to race off into the pasture when somethin' funny caught my eye. There was somethin' under dad's lawnmower. I know I saw somethin' move.

            I instantly went into stealth mode. Ears up, nose down, eyes alert and focused. I slowly crept over to the mower. I sniffed. What was that smell? It wasn't a rat. It wasn't a cat. It wasn't a mean ol' snake. I sat down and stared at the bottom of the mower. It was too small to be a skunk or an armadillo. Hummmm. What could be under there?

            I ventured over to the other side of the mower and stuck my paw under it as far as I could. Uh oh. Ow, that hurt! My paw got stuck under the metal rim. I whined and whined as I tried desperately to get my it free.

            "What's wrong sweetie pie?" asked Big Black Mama, Shadow.

            "My paw is stuck," I whimpered.

            "Why, yes, I see it is. But why did ya go and stick your paw under there, baby child?"

            "Well, I thought I saw somethin' move under there and I wanted to get it out so it wouldn't hurt daddy when he came to mow."

            "Really? You weren't just curious as to what was under that there mowing machine?"

            "Weelll, maybe, just a little, but that doesn't really matter now cause now the only thing I want to do is get my paw free. Can you help me, please?"

            Shadow studied my situation. She went to the back of the mower and looked. She went to the front of the mower and looked. Then she returned to the side my paw was stuck on.

            "Nope, I can't help ya." she said. "Maybe if you dig your claws into the ground underneath you can dig your way out. I'm not say'in it ain't gonna hurt, because it is, but that is the only way I can see for you ta get yourself free. Maybe this will teach you not to stick your paws where they shouldn't be. Now go ahead and try."

            I whined, but did what she said. I stretched my long, strong, nails into the ground and grabbed the dirt with them. To my surprise the ground was soft and my toes dug down easily. Slowly, because the metal was diggin into my leg, I dug my toenails in and out until at last I had made a hole big enough to slid my paw out.

            I had a scape on my leg and the top of my paw was bleeding. It was a terrible sight. I would have lost my supper, if I had been fed. Good thing I hadn't.

            Shadow and I sat there examinin' my injury when we both saw something move again under the machine.

            "You're right," said Shadow, "there is definitely somthin' under there." She sniffed the ground. "It's just a silly ol' lizard, nothin' to worry about. You'd better go soak your paw in the pond so it will heal and don't forget to give it a good lickin' when you're done."

            Shadow wondered off to a shade tree and lay down. I don't blame her. She is a black lab, which makes her hotter than the rest of us.

            Now my curiosity was gettin' the better of me. I had NEVER seen a lizard up close. They are fast little critters that run all over the place. I am fast, but they are much faster. This might be my one and only chance to catch one. I squatted down close to the mower, my pain dulled by the excitement of the chase. My butt in the air and my nose to the ground, I was ready to stand there until that critter made a run for it.

            I had been in this position for a good amount of time (I'm a dog so I can't give you the hours) when I heard mom's Tahoe coming down the drive. Yeah! Mom would help me catch this fast little demon. Yes, it had now become a demon to me since my paw was hurt and the rest of my body was in pain from standing in that position for so long.

            Mom got out and hollered for me to come and get my food. I looked at her and then at the mower, barking my problem to her. She ignored me and went to feed the other dogs. I stood my ground.

            When she came back around the house, I barked and whined at her while pawin' at the mower. Sometimes it takes her awhile to understand what I am trying to tell her, but you can't blame her. She doesn't speak dog.

            She came over to the lawn mower and shooed me away. "Tessy, what are you doing? Is there something under there?"

            I barked, "Yes, Yes, Yes!"

            "Get back, "she scolded. "It might be a snake."

            I whimpered, but took a step back, still in good enough position to catch that pesky lizard.

            Mom grabbed the handle of the mower and lifted it up. That move would have been handy to have around when my paw was stuck, I thought just as something ran out from under the mower. It was fast, but I was quicker. I grabbed its tail and clamped down. I was the winner! I had finally caught a lizard. I looked up at Mom and she was laughing. She was soooo happy for me. But then I saw another lizard running out from beneath the mower. I didn't know what to do.

            Should I drop my prize and go after the other one or savor the moment. The lizard stopped right by Mom's foot just long enough for me to get a good look at it. What the heck! That silly lizard didn't have a tail. I decided I would keep my whole lizard tail and all as I watched the tailless one speed away.

            I took my prize over to Mom and dropped it at her feet ready to bask in her praise. She patted my head and continued to giggle.

            "Silly girl, you lose this time. All you got was a lizard's tail and he will have grown his back by this time next week."

            What was she talking about? I looked down and sure enough there was the lizard's tail with no lizard body attached. I was amazed. Wow, I thought. I wish I could do that. If you got your tail caught just give it up and get away. No worries you'll just grow another in its place.

            "Come on Tessy and eat your food, " yelled Mom, "you know Coco will eat it if you don't get it eaten before she finishes hers."

            Of course she was right. I scarfed down my food and stood patiently while Mom doctored my paw. She put some sticky stuff on it that she said would make it feel all better, but I knew what I must do. I must do what Big Black Mama, Shadow told me to do. As soon as Mom left I went the pond to soak my paw and then I gave it a good lickin'. My paw won't grow back like that lizard's tail so I have to make sure it heals.

Written by (mom) C.L. Collar
Because I Don't have Thumbs