Nightmare on the Funny Farm

Nightmare at the Funny Farm.

October is the month of monsters and at the Funny Farm ours comes in the form of a gross ugly animal. This beast is very sly and cunning. It waits until dark and sneaks out of every crack and corner of the farm. It has a small yet sturdy body filled with thousands of sharp daggers. It uses these daggers to torture every dog at the Funny Farm. The monster is as slow as an old fashioned zombie and as invisible as a ghost, but let me assure you it is deadly. Okay, maybe not deadly, but in the eyes all of our dogs it is definitely a monster. A monster that comes in the dark of night to steal their food and taint their drinking water. A monster that upon every encounter leaves them with mouths and bodies riddled with its sharp little daggers.

I slowly drove my pickup through the gate entering our farm. Odd, there was no barking and even more alarming no dogs came to meet me in the drive. I turned off the engine and listened. Eight dogs and all I heard was a small whine and a few distant barks. Then I spotted them not one, not two, but five prickly-faced animals came racing and limping toward me.

I examined my wounded pets. Yes they had definitely had an encounter with the dagger monster. Rex, our white pointer was running amuck, much like the Sanderson Sisters and Shadow, our old black lab had the limp of a zombie along with a decent amount of daggers in her mouth and nose. Bella, Coco and Buddy had only suffered minor injuries, sporting a few daggers in their noses.

At this point things didn't look too bad, but I was still missing some dogs. I rounded the barn and thankfully found Lucky and Cookie still in their kennels and unharmed.

There was only one dog missing. Tess. Yes, Tess the Mess was nowhere to be found.

The search was on. I looked in the barn, the kennels and all around the house, no Tess. There I stood, worrying and wondering if she had survived the attack from the dagger monster. Then I heard something in the hen house. "Tess is that you?"

I opened the door. What I saw made me back out the door tripping in my haste. My scream brought all of my protective pets, daggers and all to my rescue. I was so impressed by their bravery. Even with their sore mouths and bodies, they would protect me from the dagger monster that was dashing toward me.

My hands instinctively flew up to protect my face, but there was no attack and my brave defenders were quickly moving away from me. I uncovered my face and there it stood, my prickly dagger monster, Tess. Her head and chest were completely covered with the sharp barbs and she thought that me petting her would put her out of her misery.

"No Tess. No petting for you. You and I are going to take another trip to the vet. Miss Angie won't believe this."

Leaving my husband to deal with the other wounded warriors, Tess and I drove to the vet and after a good sleep Tess found herself grounded, back on her tie out in town. One night out at the Funny Farm was all it took for her to get herself and most of her pawed pals into trouble. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about this mess.

C.L. Collar