Tess The Mess & The Lizard's Tail

Helloooo! It's Me Tessy!

  Hello It's Me!!! Tessy!!!
Here is one of my Tessy's Tales ~ THE LIZARD'S TAIL~

  It was one of those days when not much was happin'. It was just startin' to cool down from a hot sweaty day. I mean it was so hot, I sunburned my tongue while panting. And believe me you don't ever want to get a sunburn there. Anyway, I had spent most of the day lazin' around with my doggy buds trying to stay calm and cool. It is very hard for me to stay calm and cool, because of my ADHD, but Big Black Mama, Shadow, told us all that it was too hot to do anythin' today. If went runnin' around in this heat, we would have a heat stroke. I don't know what that means, but Shadow is our pack leader so I always do what she says. Mostly anyways.

            Since it was cooling down Shadow told us that we could go for a walk or short run, but not too much. It was still too hot. Finally freedom! I stood up and stretched. My, that felt good. I stretched my long brown legs, my thin flexible neck, and my beautiful long tail. I even stretched my toenail.

            I was ready to race off into the pasture when somethin' funny caught my eye. There was somethin' under dad's lawnmower. I know I saw somethin' move.

            I instantly went into stealth mode. Ears up, nose down, eyes alert and focused. I slowly crept over to the mower. I sniffed. What was that smell? It wasn't a rat. It wasn't a cat. It wasn't a mean ol' snake. I sat down and stared at the bottom of the mower. It was too small to be a skunk or an armadillo. Hummmm. What could be under there?

            I ventured over to the other side of the mower and stuck my paw under it as far as I could. Uh oh. Ow, that hurt! My paw got stuck under the metal rim. I whined and whined as I tried desperately to get my it free.

            "What's wrong sweetie pie?" asked Big Black Mama, Shadow.

            "My paw is stuck," I whimpered.

            "Why, yes, I see it is. But why did ya go and stick your paw under there, baby child?"

            "Well, I thought I saw somethin' move under there and I wanted to get it out so it wouldn't hurt daddy when he came to mow."

            "Really? You weren't just curious as to what was under that there mowing machine?"

            "Weelll, maybe, just a little, but that doesn't really matter now cause now the only thing I want to do is get my paw free. Can you help me, please?"

            Shadow studied my situation. She went to the back of the mower and looked. She went to the front of the mower and looked. Then she returned to the side my paw was stuck on.

            "Nope, I can't help ya." she said. "Maybe if you dig your claws into the ground underneath you can dig your way out. I'm not say'in it ain't gonna hurt, because it is, but that is the only way I can see for you ta get yourself free. Maybe this will teach you not to stick your paws where they shouldn't be. Now go ahead and try."

            I whined, but did what she said. I stretched my long, strong, nails into the ground and grabbed the dirt with them. To my surprise the ground was soft and my toes dug down easily. Slowly, because the metal was diggin into my leg, I dug my toenails in and out until at last I had made a hole big enough to slid my paw out.

            I had a scape on my leg and the top of my paw was bleeding. It was a terrible sight. I would have lost my supper, if I had been fed. Good thing I hadn't.

            Shadow and I sat there examinin' my injury when we both saw something move again under the machine.

            "You're right," said Shadow, "there is definitely somthin' under there." She sniffed the ground. "It's just a silly ol' lizard, nothin' to worry about. You'd better go soak your paw in the pond so it will heal and don't forget to give it a good lickin' when you're done."

            Shadow wondered off to a shade tree and lay down. I don't blame her. She is a black lab, which makes her hotter than the rest of us.

            Now my curiosity was gettin' the better of me. I had NEVER seen a lizard up close. They are fast little critters that run all over the place. I am fast, but they are much faster. This might be my one and only chance to catch one. I squatted down close to the mower, my pain dulled by the excitement of the chase. My butt in the air and my nose to the ground, I was ready to stand there until that critter made a run for it.

            I had been in this position for a good amount of time (I'm a dog so I can't give you the hours) when I heard mom's Tahoe coming down the drive. Yeah! Mom would help me catch this fast little demon. Yes, it had now become a demon to me since my paw was hurt and the rest of my body was in pain from standing in that position for so long.

            Mom got out and hollered for me to come and get my food. I looked at her and then at the mower, barking my problem to her. She ignored me and went to feed the other dogs. I stood my ground.

            When she came back around the house, I barked and whined at her while pawin' at the mower. Sometimes it takes her awhile to understand what I am trying to tell her, but you can't blame her. She doesn't speak dog.

            She came over to the lawn mower and shooed me away. "Tessy, what are you doing? Is there something under there?"

            I barked, "Yes, Yes, Yes!"

            "Get back, "she scolded. "It might be a snake."

            I whimpered, but took a step back, still in good enough position to catch that pesky lizard.

            Mom grabbed the handle of the mower and lifted it up. That move would have been handy to have around when my paw was stuck, I thought just as something ran out from under the mower. It was fast, but I was quicker. I grabbed its tail and clamped down. I was the winner! I had finally caught a lizard. I looked up at Mom and she was laughing. She was soooo happy for me. But then I saw another lizard running out from beneath the mower. I didn't know what to do.

            Should I drop my prize and go after the other one or savor the moment. The lizard stopped right by Mom's foot just long enough for me to get a good look at it. What the heck! That silly lizard didn't have a tail. I decided I would keep my whole lizard tail and all as I watched the tailless one speed away.

            I took my prize over to Mom and dropped it at her feet ready to bask in her praise. She patted my head and continued to giggle.

            "Silly girl, you lose this time. All you got was a lizard's tail and he will have grown his back by this time next week."

            What was she talking about? I looked down and sure enough there was the lizard's tail with no lizard body attached. I was amazed. Wow, I thought. I wish I could do that. If you got your tail caught just give it up and get away. No worries you'll just grow another in its place.

            "Come on Tessy and eat your food, " yelled Mom, "you know Coco will eat it if you don't get it eaten before she finishes hers."

            Of course she was right. I scarfed down my food and stood patiently while Mom doctored my paw. She put some sticky stuff on it that she said would make it feel all better, but I knew what I must do. I must do what Big Black Mama, Shadow told me to do. As soon as Mom left I went the pond to soak my paw and then I gave it a good lickin'. My paw won't grow back like that lizard's tail so I have to make sure it heals.

Typed  C.L. Collar

Because I Don't Have Thumbs

Tess The Mess ~ The Black Tarp Trap

 

Tess the Mess

&
The Black Tarp Trap

      I live for days like this! It’s one of those sultry, lazy southern days. The air is sizzling like a hot dog hangin over a campfire and the sun is blazing like guns in a wild west show. I have just finished a nice relaxing swim in our family pond and I feel great!

     I love summertime. My short redish brown coat and lean frame are not made for the cold winter wind, but summertime, well that is my time to shine! Even though I can’t prove it I am positively sure that I carry the bloodline of a Greyhound in my veins. That is the only thing that would explain my slender hips, gorgeous long legs, and my unquenchable desire to run, run, run! The only thing I like better than running is hunting, hunting and more hunting! Don’t get me wrong I am not a bird dog. Birds don’t interest me one bit, but those fast moving little furry critters drive me crrrrazy.

            I give myself a quick shake, from head to tail, ahhh that feels so good, and now to prance on over to my favorite hunting ground, The Black Pit.  Just a quick trip through the trees and here I am. This pit is sooooo deep, much deeper than the pond and Dad has put the most wonderful hunting trap around it just for me. It is big and black and slick. He calls it a tarp. All I know is that it is the most fabulous hunting trap that I have ever seen. It is piled around the top of the pit so it is a bit tricky to hunt in. You have to be really careful or you will slide right down to the bottom, but I find the best stuff in there!

            Now I must get into stealth mode. Head down, nose to the ground, ears, yes both of them up and alert. Quietly I work my way through the black trap listening and sniffing. It’s a good thing I am a persistent hunter because sometimes I hunt for hours before I find my prey.

            What was that? Wait for it, wait for it. Yes, a rustle right beneath my paw. I sniff. Yes! Yes!  It is a rat! I bounce for joy! Uh Oh! Stupid ADHD!  I think my bounce scared it away. I must stay focused! It couldn’t have gone far. I sniff. Nothing. I listen. Nothing. Darn Rat! He knows I’m here so he is hiding. He could be anywhere in the black trap. I will have to go in to find him. It is dangerous to go into the black trap. It’s very dark and very heavy and very, very hot in there, but I have no other choice. I Have To Find That Rat!

            First I must find a place to get in. Sniff, sniff, there a faint scent of rat. He must have gone in right under this flap. I get down and belly crawl. I have to use my fine sense of smell because it is way too dark in here to see anything. I continue on my quest, thinking to myself rat, rat, where are you at?

            It is getting really, really hot in here.  I am so hot pant, pant and now I can’t smell the rat anymore! I can’t smell anything! I feel the PANIC coming on! Did I mention that I am claustrophobic? Well I am! Now I can’t breath, I’m dying of heat and I can’t find my way out!  I must find the flap where I came in! I crawl this way and that, but NO Flap! I can’t get out! I’m going to die! I lie exhausted panting even harder as a new panic attack begins to hit.

Wait! I see a light! I must make it to the light! Don’t panic, I tell myself. You must save the air in your now collapsing lungs to reach your destiny! You have to make it or you will die here in The Black Pit Trap!

            I am close. A trickle of fresh air drifts over to my nose to entice me forward. I crawl slowly gasping for breath, my eyes glued to the light. Just a few more feet… I am so hot…pant, pant, I can do this…I must! With all my strength I stretch and finally fill my lungs as my head slips through to the light! I AM ALIVE! Pant! Pant! I sit here soaking in the wonderful life giving air. I fill my lungs and now I must rest.

Okay, I think it is time for another dip in the pond. Let’s see, if I put my paw through the same hole as my head, then I should be able to carefully climb out and not fall to the bottom of the pit. I reach for the hole. I push. I scratch. I CLAW! My paw will not fit through the hole with my head! Now what! I pull my head back through the hole and replace it with both paws. I scratch. I claw. I PUSH! The trap will not tear! I am stuck! I poke my head back through the hole and let out a long pitiful howl!

            I hear a woof and look up. The leader of our pack, Big Mama Black Shadow, a pure bred Labrador is standing right above my head.

            “Good Gracious girl! How on Earth did you get yourself into that mess?”

            “I was chasing a rat,” is all I say as I shamefully hang my head.

            “What have I told you about going into the trap, honey child? It’s called a trap for a reason. Now you have gone and got yourself trapped in the your own trap!”

            Shadow studied my predicament. She walked all around the trap sniffing and digging.

            “I’m sorry Tessy girl, I don’t see anyway out. You’re just gonna have to wait will Mom or Dad comes out to feed us. I’m sure they can get you out. It’s way too hot out here for this black dog so I’m gonna wait in the shade. I’ll let them know where you are when they get here. Just stay calm and everything will be all right.”

            That is easy for you to say I think as I sit here baking. I duck back under the trap.

I must find a way out! I start to belly crawl away from the hole, but as the light gets dim I scramble back to it. If I lose the light I will die. Yes! I must stay by the light! I poke my head back through the hole. Air sweet air, I must stay here!

            What is that! Yes, I hear it! It is the sound of mom’s big car! I try to jump for joy, but the trap won’t let me! Okay a howl should work! I howl as loud as I can! I whine as my parched throat stings with pain. Mom I need your help!

             I see a black flash headed my way and right behind Shadow is my human mommy. She is calling my name.

            “Whine, whine, woof, woof! I am here! Come help me!

            Mom stops at the edge of the Big Black Pit.

            “It’s okay, Tess. She says. “Just stay calm and I’ll get you out.”

            I try to bounce again, but the trap won’t let me so I just whine,

            Mom slowly works her way down the black slippery slope to me. Her comforting hands rub my ears and her soothing voice drives my panic away. I sigh from exhaustion.

            Mom tries to make the hole bigger so that I can climb out but the trap is too tough for her to tear. She pats me on the head and tells me that she has to find a flap in the trap so I can crawl out. I solemnly hang my head and wait.

            I feel the trap start to move and a small cool breeze slides over my sweltering body. I here Mom calling so, I duck back under the trap and follow the sound of her sweet voice. The fresh air beckons me forward. I see daylight and Mom’s shoe. I am saved! I crawl out of the trap and lick Mom’s face as I bounce for joy.

            “It’s looks like you could use a good swim, girl,” she says. “Let’s go down to the pond.”

“Woof! Woof! I am sooo ready for that!”

Written By My Mom Cathy Collar

Because I, Tess do not have thumbs or fingers.

Tessys Tales: The Little Sister

 Tess the Mess & The Little Sister
Hi! It’s me, Tess! I just wanted to pop in and let you know what has been goin on out at the farm.  Coco has moved back out to the farm.  Coco is my buddy. We were adopted from the same pound and are about the same age. I am a few months older which makes me her big sister. We are soo happy to have her back. She had to stay in town with Mom and Dad for a while because last summer she hurt her hip and it was bothering her. Dr Angie put her on a diet and said that she should rest it for a while. She looks really good now, but her hip still bothers her some.

            The only problem I have with her being back is that she likes to go on my runs with me. I really don’t mind her goin it’s just that she can’t keep up and so I have to slow down for her and I really don’t like to go slooooooow.

            Today was a really nice day to run, so while Coco was taking her mid morning nap I decided to slip away. First I gave her a small nudge with my nose to see if she was really asleep. No response. Good. I slowly belly crawled to the front of the barn. Just as I was about to bolt out, there she was right beside me. She is pretty quiet for a chubby dog.

            “Where are you going? Are you going for a walk? I want to go for a walk! Please take me with you!”

            Little sisters can be so aggravating at times! I did not want to take her with me, so I lied.

            “I was just going to get a drink of water from the pond. Why don’t you go finish your nap? I will be right back.”

            “Oh! I would love to go to the pond with you! I can soak my hip in the cool water! I’m really not tired anymore.”

            Darn, I thought. I will have to wait till later for my long run.

            “Okay, let’s go,” I said, “but be careful. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

            Sometimes it is soooo hard being the big sister.

            I am enclosing a picture of Coco so you will know what she looks like. She is really sweet, just really slow. I will slip away later to to take my run. Right now we are goin to go for a nice long soak and swim in the pond.

My Little Sister  Coco

Written By My Mom Cathy Collar
Because I Tess Do Not Have Thumbs or Fingers

Tess The Mess: The Convict

The Convict
By C.L. Collar

Well, here I am stuck in jail, again. It’s not my fault. Nobody understands me. I can’t be enclosed in a pen or yard. I go crazy! I have to be able to run, run, run. Have I mentioned I’m a dog?  No? Well I am.

My name is Tess. I have a short redish brown coat, beautiful brown eyes and legs that never quit. I think I am a greyhound/ lab mix, but no one really knows for sure. I keep running away from home, because I am very claustrophobic. I also might be a little ADHD and to top it all off the neighbors think I am a Kleptomaniac!

Okay, so I have a few problems to work out. My human parents probably won’t be able to afford my bail this time. I heard Dad say the other day that my antics (whatever that is) were driving him to bankruptcy. I don’t know what the fuss was all about. It was just a tennis shoe from the neighbor's house. You would have thought I had stolen something valuable like a steak. Anyway, dad had to pay the man and he was not happy with me, so I got put in time out, on a tie out, in a pen.

I tried to be good, but I panicked. I gnawed my way through the tie and jumped over the six foot fence to my FREEDOM! It didn’t last long. I didn’t get two blocks before the dogcatcher caught me. I think this would make a good case for harassment, but I’m just a dog so I don’t know. 

So here I am, again in prison. There is a fierce pit bull beside me. He really scares me. I need to plan an escape.  I already feel the walls closing in!

I hear voices. It’s the nice lady that takes us to the T.V. station. I really like her, but this also means that I’m running out of time.  If no one adopts me in three days I will be domed!  I have to escape! I’ll have to make my break when we go to the holding pen. It’s my only hope!

The handlers are gone, now to enforce my plan. The fence is only four foot, an easy hop for a dog like me. I hear voices. There’s another dog in the pen by ours waiting to meet her new family. I must wait until they leave.

Two women are laughing as they enter her pen. I try to look uninterested. They pet the dog and talk to her so sweet. They seem very nice. I think she is going to have a very good home. 

I get up on the fence to get a better look. Oh no. One of them saw me. She’s walking over here. Dang ADHD! Oh well, I’d better make the best of it. She pets my head and tells me how pretty I am. She somehow knows that I’m afraid of the big pit and tells me that it’ll be all right. No one will let him hurt me. I feel instant comfort. I look into her eyes. Her eyes smile back into mine. I really want to go home with her, but how do I let her know?

“Paperwork’s done,” the jailer says “you can take her home.”

“Let’s go, Coco!”

I watch them leave.

I feel it coming on. PANIC ATTACK! I cannot let her leave with out me. I must tell her how much I need her. Before I know it I’m over the fence and racing after her. I bark and run between her and Coco. I look pleading into her eyes and lick her face. "Please take me with you!"

 She grabs my collar and pats my head. “So you think I need to take you home too,” she says.

YES! YES! I bounce with enthusiasm, or the ADHD, but YES, I want to go home with you! I need your help. I need you.

The jailer comes out with a leash to take me away. I drop my head as I am led slowly back to my cell.  I know that I blew my only chance for escape and now I don’t even get to go on T.V. I am doomed. I try to sleep, but all I can do is think about the nice lady and how wonderful it be to be her dog.

Day three. I am out of time and soon they will come to get me. I am so sad and depressed, that it really doesn’t matter anymore. I hear them coming. I am not long for this world. Not even a nice steak dinner to send me on my way, oh well. 

My cell door opens. I don’t raise my head. They clip the lease to my collar and lead me outside. I walk slowly, knowing my destiny. I look up, one last look at the blue sky. My last thoughts will be of my fun filled days of running and carefree play. I feel the panic coming on! I tug hard at the leash and run to the open door and right into the arms of my angel!

“Well, hello again,” I hear her say as she grabs my collar. “You are a bit impatient aren’t you?”

I am confused, but so happy to see her! I bounce for joy. At least I will get one last big hug before I pass over the rainbow bridge. This is much better than any steak.

I sit lovingly by her side as she finishes writing on the paper. She gives the paper to the man and leads me to the door. The FRONT DOOR!

“I think I have the perfect place for you,” she says, as I jump into her car. “How does two hundred an fifty acres of running ground sound to you?”

I bark! “Just like Heaven!”

To read more about Tess just click on the Tessy's Tales tab at the top of my page. 

Written By My Mom Cathy Collar

Because I, Tess do not have thumbs or fingers. 

Tessy & The Armored Bandit

Tess the Mess and the Armored Bandit

 Hi!  Remember me, Tessy, the ADHD, claustrophobic,

kleptomaniac dog? I just had to drop by and tell you about my wonderful new adventure! You see, Mom had to go to Oklahoma City for the weekend and she and Dad decided I was well enough to spend a few days at the farm. (I had gotten sick from a nasty tick bite and had been grounded to the backyard in town until I got well.)

Mom told Dad that I was bored, and she thought that some time at the farm would be good for me. I don't know how she knew that I was bored. She must be a dog whisperer or something like that. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I had slipped my collar twice in one day and had myself a small jaunt around town. It is a very small town, so you really couldn't call it a run, and it was kinda hot and since there was no pond in town, I had to come back home to get a drink of water. Mom was not happy about my jaunt. I got a new much smaller collar for my efforts and a very stern scolding, but that was okay because now I got to spend two fabulous days with my buddies at the farm.

I love the farm. It is where my furry family lives. There are all kinds of critters to chase, a cool pond to swim in, and freedom to run as much as I want! I was so excited that I jumped out of the pickup bed as soon as Dad stopped the truck. Big Black Mama, Shadow and Chubby Coco Puff, were sooooo happy to see me! They bounced and wagged their tails, and then we went for a nice long run! Coco stopped at the pond for a swim while Shadow and I dashed across the pasture and bounded through the trees. It was so much fun! We finished our run by joining Coco for a dip in the pond. Sopping wet and exhausted, we slowly walked back to the farmhouse.

When we got back Dad was still there. I thought that he would have gone back to town by now, but he was busy doing something in one of the pens. We all went to check it out and, of course, to get a little attention from Daddy. He patted each of us on the head and then went out the pen gate. Shadow and Coco followed him, but just as I got to the gate, he shut it! He locked me in! What was this all about? I always got to run free on the farm. I whined, and whined, and whined.

“You have to stay in the pen unless I’m here,” said Dad. “We don’t want you to overdo and get sick again. I’ll be back tomorrow to let you out for a run while I mow.”

I hung my head and pouted. Not that it was a bad pen. It was very large with a huge elm tree for shade, a nice doghouse to sleep in, and a swimming pool all my own, but it was still a pen! It even had electricity! Yes, a nice new shiny hot wire all the way around to keep dangerous critters out. I am sure it was not meant to keep me in. That would just be ridiculous. I was kinda tired from my run, so I ate my food and then settled down for a nice long nap.

As the cool air ruffled my fur, I awoke to the wonderful sounds and smells of night. When I sniffed the breeze, I caught a whiff of something that should not have been there. I snuck

closer to the fence and honed my fine sense of smell; yes, it was definitely something that shouldn’t have been there. It was one of those pesky, stupid, sneaky armadillos. I absolutely HATE armadillos. They do not play fair, wearing all that armor, and they always try to steal our food! I had to get out of my pen and drive this armored fiend away. I smelled the wire. It was definitely hot. I stretched my long legs over the silver thread and grabbed the fence with my front paws. One good leap and I was out! Now I needed to get reinforcements and get rid of that pesky thief. I saw Shadow slowly moving around the barn.

 “Shhh.” She said. “I think it is in here. If it knows we are here, it will run away and then just come back when we go to sleep.”

“Do you want me to get Coco?” I asked. “The three of us could surround it, and it wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“I’m already here.” Coco’s voice came as a whisper against my ear. I jumped, just a little. It always amazed me how quiet this chubby dog could be.

We slowly began our search by smelling for our prey. All of us were ready to pounce on the obnoxious armadillo the minute it tried to escape. Wait, what was that?  We all stopped and listened. There it was again, a slight shuffling sound coming from the back of the barn. That was where Dad kept all the old tires. I snarled. The culprit was hiding in there. We all surrounded the tires and began barking loudly, pouncing and growling at the tires to let him know that there was no place to run. Our strategy worked. 

He dug himself a nice hole behind the tires and burrowed in for the night. There was nothing else we could do now but wait until Dad came back the next day, so we all bedded down in a circle around our victim.

The warm sunlight on my face woke me to the new day. It was very early. Shadow was still awake. She had watched that pesky varmint all night long.

            “Shadow,” I said, "why don’t you go get some rest, and Coco and I will take it from here. The two of us should be able to keep him cornered.”

            Shadow shook her head. “No, honey child, I’ll not leave you two babes to tackle this armored monster. It’ll take all three of us to hold him here when he wakes up which should be any minute now. I heard a noise from those tires just before you woke up. He is starting to stir and could make a break for it at any time.”

            I went over to Coco and nudged her with my nose.  Nothing. I nudged her again. Nothing. I took my paw and bopped her on the head.

            “Hey, that hurt.” she said opening one eye. “What do you want? It’s too early to get up.”

            “We need your help. The armadillo is waking up, and he might try to make run for it. So wake up!”

            Coco slowly got to her feet. “I really need to soak my hip in the pond,” she said. “I’ll be back in just a little while. You two can handle that little thing.”

            “Coco! Shadow has been up all night, and I am still not at my best! We need your help.”

            “Well, okay,” said Coco, pouting, “but without a soak I won’t be able to move very fast.”

            “We don’t need fast, sugar babe,” said Shadow. “We just need you to be very, very loud. You can do that can’t you?”

            “Yes," said Coco, “I can be loud. I can bark and I can howl and I can growl.”

           

            “That will be just dandy, doll. You sit right there and whenever that critter moves you do just that.  Tess and I will do all of the pouncing and digging. Okay?”

            “Okay,” said Coca, finally showing a little enthusiasm for our quest.

            Shadow and I crept in closer to the tires, ears up, listening for any little shuffle or sound. Nothing. We sniffed. We both agreed that the scent was still there, but it was too dusty in the barn to tell if it was fresh.

            “Do you want me to go in and see if he is still there?” I asked.

            Shadow cocked her head. “Maybe you should. There’s no sense wasting our time out here if he slipped away.”

            Stealth mode, nose down, ears up, yes both of them, eyes forward, I started into the pile of tires. I sniffed. The smell was there, but was it fresh? As my eyes adjusted, I slowly stepped over one tire, then through another. Wait! I saw a movement in the shadows. I cautiously edged my way over to that side of the barn. But wait! I spotted something else. What the heck?  I poked my head through the center of a tire. That was way over on the other side of the pile. How could he have gotten over there so fast?

            This ornery armored pest was messing with my head. I’ll show him, I thought. I’ll leap through this tire and grab his tail before he even knows I’m here. (You have to grab an armadillo by the tail, or you can’t catch him.) I bent my legs ready to spring. This was so exciting! My legs were shaking. My heart was pounding, and shivers were going up and down my spine. He was mine!

      I flexed my legs and opened my mouth, ready to clamp down on that tail the minute I caught sight of it. Puhhh, cough, spit, drat! All I got was a mouth full of dirt as my long legs got caught in the middle of the tire. Yuck! I looked up just in time to see my prey skedaddle out the back door. I was about to bark for help when I heard Shadow growling at the other end of the barn and Coco barking and howling like a mad dog. No way, I thought as I pried myself out of the tire. There was no way on God’s green earth that waddling pest made it that far that fast. Finally free, I ran over to help Shadow and Coco. By the time I got there, they were both sitting quietly, looking at something in the distance.

            “Well, I’ll be washed in the creek and hung out to dry,” said Shadow as she gazed across the field.

            “Who’d have thunk?” asked Coco staring in the same direction.

            “What?” I asked. Then I spotted them. Yep, them. As I honed my fine eyesight into the field there they were. Two armadillos scurrying away as fast as their little legs would carry them across the field and far, far away. Just as they disappeared from sight, I heard Dad’s pickup truck turn into the drive. We all hurried over to him, yes, even Coco. We barked and bounced and tried to tell him that he needed to get those pesky armored bandits before they got away, or they would come back for our food. He just patted our heads and scolded me for getting out of my pen. Then he put on his straw hat and jumped on the mower.

            “I’ve got work to do,” he said. “I’ll feed you and put you, Tess, back in your pen after I’m done.”

           He was clueless about what had happened that night, and now we would have to take turns all night long watching and waiting for those armored bandits to return. They always returned.

            “Well,” said Shadow, “it’s gonna be a long night, babes. I’m gonna get some rest.”

            “And I’m gonna go take that soak in the pond,” said Coco. “My hips hurtin' somethin’ fierce.”

            I looked at both of them shocked. “You mean we aren’t gonna go after them?” 

            They both just looked at me like I was some kind of idiot.

            “No.” They both said in unison.

            “Fine!” I said. “I will just go after them myself. After I take a little nap under my tree”

            “Yeah, right," said Coco as she winked at Shadow. “We’ll go with you then.”

            When I woke up, it was dark and my food was waiting for me in my bowl. I gobbled it down then headed for the gate. What was this? It was locked! Oh boy, I thought, this was definitely going to be a long night.

            Fortunately that night the armored bandits did not return. Mom came home the next day, and I had to go back to town. My adventure in the country was over, but it sure was fun! Maybe I can go out again soon. Now, if I could just get this latch undone, I would take a little stroll around town and get caught up on all of the gossip I missed while I was out at the farm.

Tess The Mess "The Tale Behind the Skunk's Behind"

Tess The Mess and The Tale Behind the Skunks Behind.

Hi! It’s me Tessy! I’ve been takin it easy out on the farm and finally feel like my old self. Since it has been hotter than a pig in a roastin pit outside, I’ve not been out for any of my usual adventures. But while I was recuperating Big Black Mama, Shadow told me some tales that happened before I became a member of the family. This one is about a naughty little skunk that caused a lot of trouble for dad. You’re gonna love it!

It was a beautiful fall night. Mom and dad were sound asleep when all kinds of ruckus erupted outside. All six dogs, including Shadow, were barkin like a bunch of wild coyotes. Prissy, the small inside dog let off her warning bark. This caused mom and dad to shoot right up in bed, hearts racing like a wildcat. They both got up as Prissy, a Pekinese, ran to the door. She barked and hopped and growled but dad wouldn’t open it. He and mom already knew what the problem was cuz they smelled the nasty stench seeping through the house. It was a darned old skunk. (I’ve tackled a few of these nasty critters too, but that’s another story.) Prissy didn’t get to go out and everyone went back to bed hoping the stinky varmint would soon be on his way. It was a false hope. The dogs barked all night long.

Now there were two dogs out there that particularly, didn’t like skunks, but more important than that was the fact that they were both trying to gain the title of top dog. Max had been top dog for more than four years, but then he had to go and father pups. He had no idea at the time that one of those pups would get to stay and would be just as stubborn as he was. Freckles was that pup.

The next morning dad went out to the kennels to fetch the dead skunk and haul him and his nasty self off to the country while mom headed to Amarillo for the weekend. Dad looked in all the kennels for the body, but all he found was a skunk’s tail in Freckles pen. He decided to further investigate cuz dad is like that. He has to check everything out. He let Freckles out in the yard and went on his search. No dead skunk in the water bucket. No dead skunk in the swimin pool. No dead skunk under the doghouse cuz the skunk was still alive! That stinky varmint had buried himself under Freckles doghouse. He was alive, but just barely.

Dad decided it was best to leave him there until he was dead for sure just to be safe, if you know what I mean. Well just as dad was about to leave Freckles pen Max climbed over his kennel fence and bolted straight for Freckles. Freckles turn and there they were dumb and son of dumb (That’s what dad called ‘em) locked in a battle for head honcho.

Big Black Mama Shadow barked and barked at ‘em but they just kept on fightin. Dad got the water hose and sprayed them dogs smack in the face, but they just kept on fightin. Finally dad had enough! He grabbed Max’s collar and bopped him on the nose. That must of got Max’s attention cuz he finally let loose of Freckles neck. Then dad opened the garage door and threw Max in there. Freckles headed after Max, but dad caught him and made him sit. You won’t believe what happened next. As dad and Shadow were catchin their breath, they looked out at the kennels and there was that darn skunk. That stinky rascal slowly made his way out of the kennel and down the alley, minus one tail. Dad and Shadow just shook their heads in disbelief.

So if you’re ever out in our part of the country and see a skunk runnin around without a tail, you know the story behind his behind.

Written by My Mom Cathy Collar

because I don’t have thumbs or fingers.

Tessy Tales ~ Bad Doggy Day

A Note from Tess 
I was a very BAD Doggy today.
(I know this because Mommy told me so.  Many Times.)
She made me a really nice kennel, with a really nice pool, and a really nice shade tree, and I would not stay in it. I jumped over the top of the new shiny Hot Wire 3 times. Now I am singing that same old song.
"I'm Back on the Tie Out Again.
I'm Back on the Tie Out Again,
Oh Woe is me
Oh how can it be
That I'm back on the Tie Out again"

That is until I figure out to get this double hook onhooked.  
Then I am going to go after that ring tailed bandit I saw in the alley last night. (Hee Hee) 

P. S. Don't tell Mom. I stole her computer and typed this with my nose.  Mom needs a bigger keyboard!

Tessys Tales :The Bad Decision

Tess the Mess

& The Bad Decision

 Hi! It’s me Tess popping in to let everyone know that I am feeling better! I feel so good that I think it is time for mom to take me back out to the farm so that I can run and play and hunt!

But I haven’t convinced mom and vet Angie yet. I have done everything I can think of to let them know I am fine. I am gaining weight. I don’t feel like I need to eat all of the time, even though I do still gobble down my canned dog food as quick as I can. I gobble it down mainly so no one else will steal it from me, even though there isn’t anyone else in the back yard when I am being fed you never know when something’s gonna sneak up on ya.

Mom makes me take this yucky medicine. First she pries my mouth open and drops two pills in my throat. Then she tells me to swallow them. There isn’t much else I can do because she holds my mouth shut until I do. After that she gives me my canned dog food, but she pours this icky powder on the top of it, so I have to eat through it to get to the good stuff. I hate taking my medicine! 

I was a bad girl yesterday but it wasn’t my fault. That stupid squirrel was to blame. I was sitting in the yard watching the birds in the trees, when it jumped up on the fence! It hopped and skipped and made mocking clicking sounds at me. I had to get that squirrel! I ran to the fence but was violently jerked back by my tie out. I had to get off! I know this trick. If I grab my color with my mouth and pull it up then I can use my paw and sometimes I can get the clip on my tie out to open. After a little work I got it and I was off! The stupid squirrel was still on the fence, so I went straight for him, unfortunately, he got away cheating by climbing up the tree. It didn’t matter though, cause I was FREE! I jumped the back gate and headed out for a good long run, but I forgot that the two little dogs, Missy a Chihuahua, and Reiley a Lhasa Apso, were in the backyard and they both told mom that I had escaped. I ran to the next block down, but there were a bunch of other dogs there and they told on me also.

            I spotted mom’s big car and changed direction. I didn’t think she saw me, but I ran as fast as I could just in case she did. I smelled something really good so I headed downtown. It wasn’t very far away, but I was getting really tired. I must not have been as well has I thought. I knew I needed to go back home and rest. Just then I saw mom drive by my in her big car. She was hollering my name. As she stopped I ran to the car and whined. She heard me panting and got out to open the door so she could take me home. Believe me, I was more than ready to go. I jumped into the big car and mom took me home and put me back on my tie out, this time with a double hook. She was a little mad at me.

            So now I am stuck on the double tie out in the backyard again, but that’s all right for now because I am more than ready for a good long nap. But tomorrow is another day.

Written by My Mom

Cathy Collar

Because I don't have Thumbs or Fingers