Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Finding Fairyland

 A Little Something from my Book of Fairy Tales & Poems 
Finding Fey
By C. L. Collar

If you can place a lady slipper
on your foot you may,
Find a lighted pathway
into the land of Fey.

If you can play a melody
on a fluted reed,
And sing yourself to Fairyland,
you just might succeed.
If you can catch a moonbeam
sleeping on a dream,
And climb upon it to the stars,
you’re where the Fairies sing.

If you can catch a falling star,
and hold it in your hand,
Then you know you have arrived,
you are in Fairyland !

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Tessy's Tale ~ The Buzz Worm

Since the snakes are starting to slither around, I decided to share this Tessy's Tale ~
She learned a lot about snakes in this one. 

Tess the Mess and 
The Buzz Worm

Hellooooo! It’s Tess! I’m Back!
I don’t know if I have ever told you this, but I use to live in the city. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I had a bad habit of escaping from my yard because I am a little ADHD and a lot claustrophobic. I was about to meet my maker when my new mama rescued me and brought me out to the farm. I was given my freedom on 250 acres of pure heaven and now I enjoy every day runnin and huntin and explorin.
I had a new family and a new pack. Big Black Mama, Shadow, tried to teach me all about the dangers of country livin but with my ADHD I really didn’t catch it all so when I first heard this crazy buzzin sound coming out of the bush, I thought it was just another fun critter to play with. Boy was I ever wrong.
I was trottin along stickin my nose in bush after bush lookin for a nice fat rabbit to chase or a bug ugly rat to kill. I absolutely HATE rats because they try to steal our food. Mom & dad are very proud of me when I kill the rats. I get praise and petted, and sometimes extra food, oh sorry; the ADHD took over there for a minute. Anyway I was huntin and wasn’t finding much of anything. The dry, hot Texas weather made it hard for my fine tuned weapon, my nose, to work properly. I had just found a nice big sage bush. Surely there is somethin’ in here I thought as I stuck my nose deep into the stickery plant.
My nose didn’t smell a thing, but my super sonic ears sure heard the weird sound comin out of that bush. I stepped back to assess the situation, I sat there and listened and looked at that bush for a very long time. Nothin came out and nothin’ made a sound. I slowly stuck my nose in again. buzzzzz. I quickly yanked my head out of the bush. What on earth was makin that strange sound? I HAD TO KNOW!
I took my paw and very cautiously clawed at the bush. You have to be very cautious in the country. That is what Big Black Mama, Shadow, keeps tellin’ me. I did remember that. As my paw hit the bush another buzzzz came from the critter hidin there, only this time it was waaaaay louder, louder than any buzzzin I had ever heard before. My ADHD got the better of me and I forgot everything that Big Black Mama had said. I dove right into that bush head first with both paws pouncing on that annoyin buzzin thing. I HAD TO CATCH IT!
Just as I was ready to bite, two sharp things hit me right in the dag nab forehead. Dang that hurt! I jumped back and ran as fast as I could to the house to get reinforcements. By the time I got back to the house, I didn’t feel very good so I decided that I had better take a little nap before goin back out after that buzz thing. I didn’t reckon it was goin anywhere anyways. I was about to lay down when Big Black Mama, Shadow, came around the corner.
“Where have you been, honey child? I was worrin about cha.” As I looked up Shadow gasped. “Oh My! Tessy honey, you been bit by a buzz worm.”
“A buzz worm? What the heck is a buzz worm? I asked.
“You know, a rattle snake.”
“It’s just a scratch,” I said. “I’ll just take a nap then we can go kill that nasty buzzin critter.”
“Oh, no, Tessy. That there buzz worm is poisonous. I done told you a dozen times not to mess with snakes. Especially snakes that buzz. If mom or dad don’t get here soon to take you to the vet, you could die.”
“I could WHAT!”
“You could die.”
“What do I do?”
“Just lay still. The more ya move the more that poison will get into your blood. I’ll keep a look out for mom or dad. Whatever you do don’t go to sleep.”
“Okay, “I said. “I’ll stay right here, but I feel so sleepy and my head feels like it is gonna explode.”
“I know, sweety. That’s cause it’s swollen from the buzz worm’s snakebite. You kinda look like a Shar Pei.”
 “A what?”
“You know. One of them wrinkled dogs with the puffy head.”
“That’s just great.” I thought. I’m gonna die lookin like a ugly, fat, wrinkled dog.”
Shadow bounced up. “I hear mom’s car. I’ll go get her. You stay!”
I couldn’t help myself. I jumped right up and followed Shadow so I could show mom what happened. She saw me before she got out of the car. At first I don’t think she recognized me because she kinda gave me a weird look, but when I whined and ran to her she knew immediately what had happed. She helped me into the car and off we headed to see Dr. Angie.
To make a long story short, after getting my head lanced, anyway that is what mom called it, and getting a shot, and havin to stay overnight at Dr. Angie’s, I survived.
And I can tell you this one thing for sure. I will NEVER try to catch another buzz worm, ever, ever, ever again.
Mom posted a picture with this story even though I told her not to. I would prefer you not look at it. 

You looked didn't you?

Written by my mom 
Cathy Lea Collar
Because I don't have thumbs or fingers

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Days of Wind ~ A Series of Unfortunate Events~ Day 1

Days of Wind
(A Series of Unfortunate Events)

This series of unfortunate events in my life started about 3 days ago.
Day One.
I woke up at 2:00 A.M. to a small whine at the bottom of my bed. That would be my newly adopted Chihuahua pup. This was accompanied by the clatter of thunder followed by a small hail storm spend along by a 40 mph wind. Needless to say I did not get much sleep.  When morning finally got here I was so exhausted that I did not notice the small pile of poop on my bedroom floor until I stepped in it. Yes YUCK would be the word to describe my feelings on the matter of my new pup literally getting the poop scared out of her. After a few choice words, a lot of cleanup and a pup sent quickly outside, I was ready to start my day or so I thought. It was still raining so said pup did not want to go out into the rain to pee and poop and I not wanting to have anymore unexpected surprises in my house grabbed my coat and flip flops and stood out in the freezing weather while she hesitantly did her jobs while trying not to get blown across the yard by the still gusting 40 mph wind. I kind of felt sorry for her, trying to hold herself in place and not get blown over, but I felt more strongly about not wanting this chore done inside. While waiting I noticed my brand new yellow rose bush, yet to be planted, was being literally beat to death. I push my way through the wind and rain to save my precious plant. The guy at the flower shop apparently forgot to tell me that this dainty sophisticated looking plant had a secret life as a dominatrix. As I reached down to pick her up she viciously slapped my face and then proceeded to flog me with her thorny branches all the way to the house. (Next time I will just let her stay outside!) Finally, pup, sadistic plant and I are all safely in the house.  To be continued
By Cathy Collar

Days of wind ~ Day 2

Days of Wind

A Series of Unfortunate Events
Day 2 (The Battle on the Porch)
This day was just as miserable as day one. Even though the rain had stopped, the cold 40 mph wind had not let up. In fact I think it was gusting up to 60 mph at times and just going outside was pure torture. I watched my beautiful back yard go from a sweet haven of rest to an annoying mess. My lawn chairs were askew and their cushions were strewn everywhere. The neighborhood trash was whistling along its merry way ending its precarious journey in my beautiful flowerbeds. I watched as long as my ODC would allow then slipped into my favorite attire, sweats and flip flops (you’ve probably noticed I don’t wear shoes very often) and prepared myself for the blustering blast that would greet me when I opened the door. My first attacker was a distraught chair cushion. The desperate cushion had wedged itself between the door and the bar-b-que trying to escape the violent wind and in doing so was blocking my exit. After a great deal of effort, I squished it flat enough to squeeze through the door and into the mayhem that had now had taken over my backyard. I must admit that cushion put up a good fight, but I finally won the battle and with much duress threw it into the house. Burrowing into my hoodie, I grabbed the other cushions and stuffed them into the storage chest. Next, as if wanting revenge for my harsh treatment of its cushions, the lawn chair viciously smacked my right shin. Grabbing the abusive chair, I jammed it under the table just in time to get smacked in the face by a  malicious tablecloth. I fought with that cloth for a good five minutes before she surrendered and found herself cowering in the chest along with my other assailants. Now I was out of breath, pissed off and my poor little toes were turning a nice shade of blue. As I gazed at the storm still causing turmoil in my backyard I just shook my head. The decision was made. ODC or not, I was going back inside the house and I was going to stay there until this wicked wind went away!

Days Of Wind ~ Day 3

Days of Wind  (A Series of Unfortunate Events)
Day 3 (The Battle at The Farm)
By Cathy Collar

After vowing not to go out into the wicked wind because of being abused by its brutal blows two days in a row, I was forced to break my cherished vow. My husband was stuck at work and I was left with the job of going to feed our dogs on the farm. Yeah! Although the wind had lessened a bit it was still screaming and howling at anyone who dared to open their door. Determined to get this job done quickly and return to my safe haven, I bundled up in thermals, jeans and all other things farmy (yes even boots) and headed out.
             Following a fierce battle with the truck door (apparently the truck didn’t want to go anywhere either) I was finally on my way. The ten miles to the farm felt more like fifty with the added bonus of dodging enormous tumble weeds, flying trash bags and low flying birds struggling to keep aloft. I would have felt sorry for those birds but I couldn’t help but think why they were even trying to fly in this mess?
Arriving at the farm, I let out a mild curse as I spied our German Shorthair, Buddy running around like a dog gone mad, bouncing, dashing and barking at everything that moved (and believe me a lot of things were moving). One look at the kennel told me who the accomplice was in his escape. Mr. Wind had dropped a large branch right on top of the hotwire in Buddy’s pen rendering it harmless. Great I thought. Now I had to catch this crazy dog and put him on the tie out until his daddy, my husband, could fix the hotwire and I had to do this while fighting my archenemy, the wicked Mr. Wind.
The first plan that formed in my mind was very simple and should have worked. I would get bouncing Buddy to jump into the back of the truck. It made sense to me. After all he was a bird dog and loved to go hunting so he would think he was going on a hunting trip. I lowered the tailgate and hollered.
“Here Buddy! Let’s go find some quail!”
The harsh wind ripped the words right out of my mouth and drove them fiercely in the opposite direction. Buddy defiantly did not hear my tantalizing invitation and to add to my aggravation he acted like he didn’t even know I was on the planet. 
Fine! I said to myself. It was time for plan B. While putting the tailgate back up, Mr. Wind graciously decided to help me by flinging it back into its original position, taking my arm none too gently along with it. Needless to say I did not appreciate the assistance. Gritting my teeth, I plowed my way through the dirt and flying branches to the barn. Safely inside I began the search for my secret weapon.
“Ah Ha,” I said as I grabbed the precious can of dog food. The dogs usually got dry dog food, but we always kept some canned on hand in case we had to hide some nasty medicine in it for them to take. They ALL loved the canned dog food. It was like chocolate to them. I knew Buddy’s keen sense of smell would pick up the enticing aroma and lead him to his destiny, the tie out.
Back outside I fought the wind and debris and again gain access to my truck. Becoming a contortionist somehow I got the truck door open while gripping the open can of dog food with my fingertips and using my elbow I honked the horn. Buddy finally acknowledged my presence and came flying to the truck. One whiff of the dog food and HE WAS MINE!  I coaxed him to the tie out and left him happily lapping up his ill-gotten treat while I finished my task. Vow renewed, I bolted into my truck and speed back to the safe confines of my house shouting as I drove. “Victory is Mine!”